Maxay raggu u cararaan marka gabadhu aad u jeclaato? Cilmi-nafsiga jacaylka.
Su’aashan waa mid si qoto dheer looga dhex darso cilmi-nafsiga xiriirka (Relationship Psychology). In kasta oo aysan ragga oo dhammi isku mid ahayn, haddana cilmi-baarayaashu waxay ogaadeen dhowr sababood oo keenaya in ninku uu “cararo” ama uu fogaado marka uu dareemo jacayl aad u xooggan ama “Extreme Attachment”.
1. Cabsida luminta madax-bannaanida (Fear of Loss of Autonomy)
Rag badan waxay xiriirka u arkaan meel laga yaabo inay ku waayaan xorriyaddooda. Marka gabadhu aad u jeclaato, badanaana ay rabto inay daqiiqad kasta la joogto, ninka waxaa geli karta cabsi ah in:
1. Maalintiisii iyo go’aanadiisii ay gacanta u galeen qof kale.
2. In Uusan heli doonin waqti uu saaxiibadiis la qaato ama hiwaayadihiisa ku fushado.
Xalka: Ninku wuxuu u baahan yahay “meel uu ku neefsado” (Space) si uu u dareemo inuu wali isagu xoriyadiisa leeyahay.
2. Nooca Kalsoonida (Attachment Styles)
Cilmi-nafsiga waxaa jira wax loo yaqaano Avoidant Attachment Style (Hab-raaca fogaanshaha).
Dadka leh dabeecaddan waxay dareemaan culays iyo degenaan la’aan marka uu qof aad ugu soo dhowaado.
Marka jacaylku bato, ninku wuxuu u arkaa “hanjabaad” xagga dareenka ah, markaas ayuu is-difaacaa isagoo fogaanaya si uu dareenkiisa u xakameeyo.
3. Dareenka ah inuusan u qalmin (Imposter Syndrome)
Mararka qaarkood, haddii ninku uu qabo kalsooni-darro hoose, wuxuu is weydiiyaa: “Maxay gabadhan quruxda badan ama caqliga badan aad kuu jeceshahay? Malaha way igu qaldantay.”
Cabsida ah inay maalin dambe ogaan doonto “ceebihiisa” ayaa ku dhalisa inuu isagu horay uga fogaado intaan la dhaawicin.
4. Culayska Mas’uuliyadda (Pressure of Expectations)
Jacaylka weyn ee gabadha waxaa badanaa la socda filashooyin (Expectations) sareeya.
Ninku wuxuu dareemi karaa in laga rabo inuu had iyo jeer noqdo “geesi”, mid mar walba jaceylkiisa muujiya, ama mid ka dhabeeya riyooyinka gabadha.
Haddii uu dareemo inuusan buuxin karin heerkaas sare, wuxuu doortaa inuu ka baxo xiriirka intii uu “fashilmi” lahaa.
5. Luminta “Xiisihii” (The Thrill of the Chase)
Ragga qaarkood waxay ku shaqeeyaan dareenka “ugaarsiga” (The Hunt). Marka gabadhu ay aad u muujiso jacaylkeeda, ninku wuxuu dareemayaa inuu “guulaystay” oo tartankii dhammaaday.
Haddii uusan jirin tartan ama wax uu u halgamo, xiisaha ayaa ka dhammaada. Tani waa sababta cilmi-nafsigu ku taliyo in gabadhu ay had iyo jeer lahaato nolol iyada u gaar ah (Mystery) oo uusan ninku boqolkiiba boqol wada haysan.
Maxaa xal ah?
Si xiriirku u noqdo mid dheellitiran:
1. Dheellitirka Dareenka: Jacaylkaagu ha noqdo mid naxariis leh laakiin ha noqon qof “xiisaha aad u muujisa”.
2. Lahaw Hiwaayado: Marka uu ninku arko inaad ku mashquulsan tahay noloshaada, shaqadaada, ama asxaabtaada, wuxuu dareemayaa in jacaylkaagu uusan ahayn “xabsi” ee uu yahay “hadiyad”.
3. Wada-hadal: In si furan looga hadlo cabsida iyo baahida loo qabo madax-bannaanida.
Dr Waahin Sabriye
